Chasing the Beautiful God

Are you waiting on the Lord for breakthrough in your life?

I remember a time when I would sit on the floor of my room and weep. I would weep because I had no friends. Literally. That’s a bit sad isn’t it? And I don’t mean mournful, I mean kind of pathetic. Yet it’s true. I was so broken that I couldn’t keep a proper friendship going. My heart was empty and there was nothing to give. I was also so different that it was near impossible to find someone with which I could connect. I craved connection though. I would sit on my floor on Saturday nights and cry out to God asking why it seemed so hard to find anyone to relate to, why I was so different, why my heart was so empty, what I was doing so wrong that I was so broken. Deep down in my deepest depths an aching void developed. As I prayed weekend after weekend, wondering whether I might be in this place for the rest of my life, worried that I would still be alone weekend after weekend when I was 50, the pain and longing and loneliness pushed down deep inside of me and expanded my heart. Then the loneliness began to sting even deeper because my heart had grown bigger and was now more sensitive to feel. As I prayed the ache grew larger, deeper, wider.

For two years more I waited, alone. And then God answered me. He answered me miraculously. He filled my heart with His Spirit, healed my brokenness with His word and answered my loneliness with the most extraordinary group of friends I have ever had – all in the space of about 8 weeks. From the friendships I made in this time I am still reaping a harvest of joy today. As He answered the cry in my heart the long wait for an answer became part of His gift to me. Because I had waited so long and desired so deeply and prayed so hard, the waiting and longing caused my heart to grow so large that through His eventual answer I was filled with more joy and gratitude than would ever have been possible otherwise. Love for God and love for my friends exploded in my heart when the answer finally came. That love for God at His faithfulness and goodness towards me is still erupting from my heart even six years later.

Song of Songs 2:4 says, He brought me to the banqueting house, And his banner over me was love. The Lord’s banner speaks of His leadership. The Lord’s banqueting house is His abundance. His leadership concerning us is designed to bring forth an abundance of love in our hearts – love for God and love for others – the most love possible. Not only did God answer my request for friends with the deepest, most loyal, loving and extraordinary group of people one could ever ask for, He also brought forth overwhelming love in my heart towards Him. In that experience I came to know Him as the one who hears my voice, as the one who cares about my heart, as the one who sustains me and leads me well.

Today I promise you, His banner over YOU is love. He knows what you need and what you desire. And He is leading you in such a way that, if you trust Him, He will cause love and joy and life to explode from your heart with an abundance you never thought possible.

J. Ratcliffe